The 3:00am Test: Could You Answer Any Premises Question, Any Time?

You’ve just come back from holiday. The plane landed at 7:03pm — it took nearly four hours to get home (thank you, M25 roadworks).

The kids finally stopped arguing about who touched whose armrest at 11:20pm. By the time you’d unpacked just enough to find clean pyjamas, it was well past midnight.

It feels like you barely shut your eyes when — buzz buzz. 3:12am. It’s your boss.

You answer like someone still mentally halfway through airport security.

“Sorry to wake you so early — Ofsted’s in at Grimblethorpe Secondary this morning — have the fire door actions been completed yet?"

You pause. Blank. Then reality hits: I have no idea.

Welcome to The 3:00am Test. 

What’s The 3:00am Test? It’s not about being superhuman. And no — you shouldn't be working at 3:00am. But when crunch-time questions land the morning of Ofsted, someone usually turns to the site team and says:

“You’ll know this, right?”

Let’s walk through how that could go…

🔥 “Have the fire door actions been completed yet?”

“Why? What’s wrong with them?” A classic. Sets the tone.

🟩 “Yep — all done on Thursday. Logged, signed off, and showing green on the dashboard.” 10/10 – Not only are you prepared, but you’re genuinely impressed with yourself.

🟨 “They should be. Dave said he’d finish them off before the break. I’ll check the log first thing.” 6/10 – Could go either way. Depends on Dave. And his handwriting.

🟥 “I mean, they definitely close. That counts for something, right?” 3/10 – It does not. But we admire the optimism.

🚿 “Are we up to date with legionella testing?”

“Assuming the pipes haven’t developed new symptoms over the break… yes?”

🟩 “Yes — flushing done, temps logged, last entry updated on the system and tracked.” 10/10 – Basically textbook.

🟨 “It’s all in the logbook. Somewhere. Probably.” 5/10 – Logbook-based faith is still faith.

🟥 “I ran the taps before I left. Personally. Thoroughly.” 2/10 – Counts for hydration. Not compliance.

🧯 “Can we include the latest site risk assessment?”

“Do you want the one that’s signed off, or the one I made notes on after the bin fire?”

🟩 “Yep — updated after the new block opened, uploaded, and ready to attach.” 10/10 – You legend.

🟨 “We’ve got one from spring. I’ll check if it mentions the new classroom.” 6/10 – Pretty close, but there’s a highlighter and a printer in your immediate future.

🟥 “I think the last one got emailed to me by… someone.” 3/10 – In the cloud, possibly. Or in the abyss.

🚪 “Are visitor access and gates compliant?”

“They were last week… I think…”

🟩 “Yep — checked last week, all signed off, and showing completed and authorised on the dashboard. It’s green for the site.” 10/10 – You are the gatekeeper.

🟨 “The latch is still temperamental, but we’ve got a broom we use for extra leverage.” 5/10 – Effective. Unorthodox.

🟥 “If someone we don’t recognise walks in, we stare at them until they feel uncomfortable.” 2/10 – Traditional. Not inspector-friendly.

🧱 “Is the asbestos register up to date?”

“It should be — unless the ceiling in the old staffroom finally gave up…”

🟩 “Yes — reviewed after the last works, clearly marked, signed off, and green in the system.” 10/10 – That’s the dream: visible, current, and nowhere near a mystery cupboard.

🟨 “Pretty sure the caretaker has a copy. Or at least had one, before the cupboard leak.” 5/10 – You’ve got half a register and a damp patch. Not ideal.

🟥 “Don’t worry, we just avoid that part of the building entirely.” 1/10 – Creative strategy. Illegal, but creative.

The 3:00am Test Isn’t Always About Knowing Everything

It’s also about knowing where to look — or knowing that your processes guarantee it's been done (because otherwise, you’d have been alerted).

And being able to show:

• What’s been done
• What still needs doing
• The evidence to back it up — quickly, clearly, on any device — and without waking half the team

Because when the question comes — and it will — “I think so” just doesn’t hit the same as “It’s here, I’ve got it.”

So… Would You Pass The 3:00am Test?

You’re not expected to have everything memorised. You’re expected to have things under control.

And if your first answer is:

“I’ll just check on my phone — it’s all green on the dashboard,” …then you’re doing alright.

If your first answer is:

“I think Dave…” …then fair enough — but maybe it’s time to make life a bit easier.

Especially if you’ve just got off a plane.

And If You Wouldn’t Pass…

No judgement — but it might be a good time to take stock.

Do a quick audit of how things actually work day-to-day — not just when you’ve got breathing room. And if you find the system relies heavily on Dave’s memory, spreadsheets, or a platform that is just too basic, it might be time to consider proper compliance and premises software.

Statlog - The complete solution for premises management — trusted by schools and trusts that want to sleep easy at 3:00am.